Looking back past days and I found that 2014 was a very difficult year for me. An important person left me, and I was simply struggling to keep my mouth above the water in life, almost got drawn. I got injury on my back, and I could not run at all (at one point, I could not even walk well). I was telling my self, when any door does not open no matter what I did, I must be opening it in a wrong timing and I must wait until doors open by themselves.
Since I moved to Cleveland, it was extremely challenging to maintain vegan diet. To be honest, I started to eat cheese and fish. I had to go to restaurants for business meetings frequently, and most of restaurants in this city are not vegan friendly. Now I would like to come back to complete vegan diet again. I am thinking creative solutions how to satisfy my need to visit local restaurants for business meetings while bringing myself back to complete vegan diet.
Here I come back to this blog. There were so many things happen in my life in last two years. Some of them were good and others were not. No matter what, life goes on. Life is always tough for me, but I will keep up with it. I decided to resume this blog again.
What a day is it today. Very important good and bad news come together today. My life is like a roller coaster. Endless scream. I cannot write about what is happening to me right now, because I am very confused. The big good news should make me very happy, and the big bad news should make me very sad. But since these two big news come at the same time, I do not know what to feel about them anymore. Not anymore. I really cannot recognize my emotion. It is like an endless scream. I am very confused, and I think I am getting exhausted.
"If you really want to start one new thing, you have to give up one favorite thing." This is a practical lesson I learned in my life. Since I am spending most of my life for science (my work), I seldom have time to do other things. Therefore, it is important to decide what to spend my little extra time for.
Last year, I wanted to start two new things: Running a marathon and comprehending English. To start these two new things, I first decided to quit four really favorite things: Drinking alcohol, eating meat, traveling foreign countries for fun and using Japanese at work.
I hope I can achieve two new things by sacrificing four favorite things in the near future.
Reach a certain moment in your life, and you discover that your days are spent as much with the dead as they are with the living.
Setsugi is my great-grand mother. Biologically, I must have four great-grand mothers, but she is the only one I have personally met. Since she was babysitting us (me and my younger sister) while my parents were working, I do remember her very well.
According to my mother, she was born in 1903, more than a hundred years ago. It is amazing that I have a strong personal link with a person who was born more than a hundred years ago. A hundred years seem to be forever for me.
The tragedy of Setsugi's life was that her first husband, who is my biological great-grand father, died very young in his early 20s. I do not know why he passed away so early, but soon she married again with an another man. Unfortunately, her second marriage went to a wrong way, and it became really suffering for her and her son. However, at that time in Japan, it was the way impossible for her to divorce her second marriage due to very high social pressure. She and my grand father had to tolerate an endless terrible period there.
These experience more or less twisted her and her son. Even though I do not know what they exactly experienced there, I think I am also under the strong influence of their wound. When the wound is too big, it is easily transmitted to the descendant generations. I am really afraid of this kind of wound or trauma which beyond human life.
Now I am standing on the big turning point of my life. It is too big to write about it right now, but in a couple of months, I will write what is actually going on in my life. This flow I am facing right now is too strong to resist. Therefore, I decided to go with this flow as far as I can. I really have no idea where this flow will take me to, but I would call this a fate and go wherever it takes me.
I got a picture of my great-grand mother. The picture was taken in the 1930's, I think.
My uncle told me that her name was Rio. I am wondering what kind of life she was spending there. Was she ever happy? Rio?
